Garcia Quotes

(Garcia is walking towards JJ and Prentiss, carrying a ton of shopping bags)

J.J.: Oh no.
Prentiss: (laughs)
Garcia: I know, I know, I know, I know. Don't say it. But when you see what's in here, and - and it's not my fault. They were calling to me, I swear. And they were all on sale, so if you think about it that means I am helping the economy which is more than I can say for you guys... 'cause no one else has bags.
J.J.:Yeah, please tell me all of those aren't for my son.  

Garcia: They're not.
J.J.: Good.
Garcia: (Holds up a tiny bag) This one is for Kevin.
(Prentiss laughs)

Garcia: What it is my duty as a fairy godmother to *spoil* the child. And Henry is finally old enough to be fun while opening presents. I am not taking them back! Give me my coffee and no one's gonna get hurt. 

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Garcia: You, my fine furry friends, are welcome.
Hotch: Remind me to have her drug tested. 

*    *    *

Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I wanna hear.
Garcia: You're a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder. 

Morgan: How about something I don't already know.

Garcia: I have a sweet tooth?

*    *    *

Garcia: Penelope's house of "how may I save your ass today?" 

*    *    * 

Garcia: Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth.

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Hotcher (on the phone): Hotchner

Garcia: Who's the answer to all your dreams?

Hotchner: I'm gonna put you on speaker.

Garcia: Oh, you completely suck!

*    *    * 

Morgan: Oh, one last thing. Look up the words "sexy" and "brilliant" in that computer of yours, and tell me what you come up with. 

Garcia: Look at that, it's me. 

Morgan: You are a goddess, woman. Ciao. (to surrounding fertility clinic patients, most of whom are paying rapt attention) ...It was a work call.